


Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel (sequel to Torchwood and the Goat of Chanukkah)

by Gypsylady



Category: Torchwood
Genre: 2009 was a very strange year, F/M, Gen, Goat-again, M/M, More Fluff, Other, chanukkah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:38:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gypsylady/pseuds/Gypsylady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this, a sequel to Torchwood and the Goat of Chanukkah, we learn that Jewish aliens come in all shapes and sizes, and they interpret the laws of kashruth to accomodate their species' eating habits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel (sequel to Torchwood and the Goat of Chanukkah)

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate future, ignoring Children of Earth. Completely. It never happened. A POX ON THAT FALSE DOCUMENTARY! (http://ask-aboutcoffee.livejournal.com/36837.html)
> 
> Still don't own them. The Original Tsig still lives in Cornelius and I suspect his name isn't Tsig.

Ianto awoke disoriented, which was uncharacteristic for him. He was accustomed to waking up in strange places, and the Hub sofa was hardly the strangest. Compared to some of his awakenings in his lifetime, this sofa was downright homey. Still, he felt confusion and rubbed his eyes as he rose, trying to figure out what was confusing him.

The noise from above him caught his attention. He glanced towards the high roof of the Hub and saw the Pteranodon, who most of the Torchwood staff called Myfanway, circling and moaning in a peculiarly mournful way. Then Ianto remembered the goat-like alien who was bedded down in the lower levels to protect him from the predatory claws and beak of the graceful dinosaur. He grinned, and set out towards the ladder to her nest, thinking to mollify her with some beef carcass, but something else struck him as odd.

There were lights on down the tunnel that lead to his archives. He thought of them as "his" while they were technically the property of Torchwood. Ianto had long since decided that he himself was as much property of Torchwood as the archives were, so his possessive attitude made sense, at least to him. He turned away from the ladder and went down the tunnel towards the source of the light. He was sure it was Jack rummaging through the archives. No one knew what Jack looked for on his periodic forays into the hallowed hall, but he rarely disarranged the system too badly. To Ianto it was irritating but something he tolerated.

Jack was not the culprit. The goat-like Tsig was nosing (in his case, literally) through the archives, humming to himself. Ianto cleared his throat and got no response. He did it again, louder than previously. The goat turned from his task and gazed at the human.

"Ianto, is it? You are in charge of dis? Such a goot job you do! It's a shame you can't cook but, nu, Jack can't have everyt'ing, den."

Ianto winced slightly. He wasn't sure how he felt about an alien who looked so like a terrestrial creature knowing any details of his love life. Still, he couldn't help being somewhat flattered by Tsig's compliment about the condition of the archives.

"Can I help you find something, sir...er...Tsig?" he asked.

"I'm afraid no," the goat replied. "I vas hoping dere vould be a dreidel here, maybe. A menorah is too much to esk for but a dreidel, could be you see vun, you t'ink it's alien? I t'ink no one in Torchvood is a Jew, yes?"

"Well, no, I don't think any of us is Jewish...Jack might have been at one time but we don't discuss it. Wait, no, now that I think of it, Jack probably was never Jewish either." Ianto tried to hide his squirm but didn't quite manage it.

If a goat could blush, Tsig would have. As it was, his smile made it clear he'd figured out Ianto's thought process.

"Still, I've seen a dreidel," Ianto continued, having regained his composure. "Remember, I had a Jewish cubicle mate at Torchwood in London and he liked to decorate his desk for any occasion he could think of. Chanukkah was one of his occasions. So I would probably recognize a dreidel. And I'd know better than to archive it as alien unless it was possessed. But there are parts of the archives I haven't fully examined yet. Would you like to go through a few of those sections, see what we can find?"

Tsig inclined his head in assent, and followed the human into the farthest reaches of the cavernous archive room. After poking through a few jumbled boxes, and identifying several items for proper archiving later, the goat sighed. "I am t'inking dis is hopeless," he said. "It vas just a hope, since it's not somet'ing I'm going to see anyvhwere but Earth."

"Why is that?" Ianto sat on the floor to be able to converse more conveniently with Tsig.

"Chanukkah is only on Earth," Tsig explained. "De Holy Vun (Baruch Hu) visited many planets. Dere's lots of peoples out in dis universe dat follow da Commandments. De Chosen People are more than just de human Chosen People. But da miracle what is Chanukkah, it happened on Earth. So all of us try to visit Earth for Chanukkah at least once in our lives. Da vuns dat look human, dey can visit even da first Chanukkah, see de miracle for demselves. Not so easy for da vuns like me. A talking goat? At least in dis day and age I can scream for UNIT or Torchvood, or even dat lovely lady in London...did I hear right dat Sarah Jane Smith has a son but no husband? Oy!"

Ianto wrinkled his brow. "I'm not sure but I think she adopted the son," he said. "Jack said something about it, something about her having inherited a 14 year old super genius."

Tsig nodded slowly. "From vhat I've heard about dat lady, it's no surprise."

"Have you met this Doctor she and Jack and Martha have all traveled with?"

Tsig smiled (unnerving Ianto somewhat when he realized that was a goat smiling at him.) "You shouldn't be jealous, young man," he said. "I've been vatching and Harkness is only looking at you. I've heard about dis Doctor, who is not, I must tell you, DAT kind of Doctor. All de people travelling mit him love him but dat just teaches dem to love others more. And Jack Harkness loves you, boychick."

There was a short silence as Ianto digested the information and decided it was okay that it came from a goat. Then he said, "I know that, sometimes. And I'm glad to have it confirmed. Thank you. But let's get back to the dreidel problem. I'd go out and buy you one but I'm not sure where to find one and it's 2 in the morning so any shop that might carry it is closed. Maybe we can make you one?"

"You could do dat?" Tsig sounded excited.

"Sure. I'll Google the word and see if I can find instructions." Ianto got up and walked to his desk in the front of the archive, Tsig (literally) at his heels. Dismissing his first few hits, which seemed to be uselessly complicated origami, he settled on one for bakable clay. He didn't have the exact right equipment on hand but he was pretty sure there were items in the archive and (only mildly disturbingly) medical supplies closet that were similar enough to make the construction possible. Two hours and some muttering later, he held up a reasonable facsimile of the requested item.

"So, nu, does it spin?" Tsig asked, clearly pleased. Ianto gave it a twist and it spun once before falling over. He frowned, picked it up and examined it, looking for a flaw.

"I'm not sure what I did wrong," he said, half to himself. "It's properly balanced and the shape matches the picture."

"Vhere's da letters?" Tsig demanded, now that he could get a closer look. "It needs da letters."

Cursing softly under his breath, Ianto pulled up the first picture of a dreidel he had seen in his hunt. There was a character clearly visible on the side of it.

"Dat's called nun, pronounced kind of like noon but not exactly," Tsig explained. "You also need gimel, hay, and shin."

Ianto started to paw through the cutting tools in the medical supplies, hoping to find something he could use to carve in the characters. So devoted was he to the search that he didn't hear a pair of footsteps coming up behind him. "What the hell are you looking for?" Jack asked.

Ianto, startled, dropped a handful of scalpels. "Oh, now you've made Martha mad!" Jack laughed.

Before Ianto could start stammering a reply, Tsig interrupted and explained what the search was for. Jack nodded thoughtfully, and started looking around for a short burst laser he thought might work.

Only Tsig noticed that Myfanway was circling closer and closer. Not wanting to disturb his kind hosts, but still not wanting to be used as a midnight snack, he inched away, towards the safety of the tunnel to the archives. Myfanway did not seem at all interested in him and was instead heading directly for the unlettered dreidel. From the relative safety of the tunnel, Tsig watched in amazement as the prehistoric beauty began to chip away at one side, then another. When she turned it to get to the third, Tsig forgot his fear and came out to admire and amaze. When she finished the fourth side, she cawed once, picked up the dreidel by its top handle, and gave it an expert spin with her beak. Jack and Ianto turned around, startled.

The dreidel landed on its side. Tsig ventured closer and snorted. "Hah! Shin! Goniff bird, you have to give us something!"

Jack braced himself to race to the goat's rescue. Myfanway was a well behaved predator but she was still a predator and had been known to chow down on goats and sheep in the country surrounding Cardiff. But, to his surprise, she cawed again and circled back up to her nest, returning almost immediately with a shiny coin, which she dropped on the table beside the dreidel. To Jack and Ianto's surprise, it was a brand new French 2 Euro coin. She circled back up to the roof, but seemed to be watching expectantly.

"Ianto, boychick, you'll spin for me? I don't have fingers or a beak," Tsig said politely. When Jack nodded, Ianto spun the now complete-looking dreidel. The character that came up was different than the one Myfanway had gotten on her spin. "Oy, sorry, boychick, but you get no'ting dis time. Ravver, I get not'ing. Jack, mine friend, you vant a turn?"

Jack had been staring up at the pteradon. "Um...no, thanks, Tsig," he said. "I'm still wondering how we got a Jewish prehistoric predator in the Hub. And wondering why she is so polite and not trying to eat you or anything."

"Vell, first of all, no sentient being is kosher food for any odur sentient being," Tsig explained. "Vunce da bird realized who und vhat I am, I vas off-limits for eating." Myfanway cawed agreement. "Second of all, Da Holy Vun (Baruch Hu) can get around dat Rift of yours. Oh, don't vurry," he added quickly, when he realized that Jack was starting to look striken. "Da Holy Vun (Baruch Hu) takes many guises und has many faces. You don't have to go and become Jewish now. I don't t'ink you'd enjoy da process. Da Holy Vun (Baruch Hu) travels mit all beings and all vorlds. Some of us are Jewish. Not all. It's all good to Him. Or Her. Or Dem. It's not a concern. Vehn you're da Heart of da Universe, you can take all kinds of energy and make mit it goot."

Myfanway swooped down and spun the dreidel again. It came up with a new symbol and, hooting, she grabbed her coin back and circled out of reach. "It you turn," Tsig said to Ianto. "It's not a high-scoring game. Is dere any chance I can get some water? Playing mit a carnivorous dinosaur makes me a bit dry."

Shaking his head and muttering something about the universe being full of new wonders every day, Jack went to get a bowl of water for Tsig.

**Author's Note:**

> Important note: When Tsig says, "Da Holy Vun (Baruch Hu)" he is expressing respect for his version of the Divine Being. I'm not trying to convert anyone (which should be obvious by the end of this story.) But I was taught never to say the name of God out loud, and instead call Him The Creator or The Holy One, followed by the parenthetic phrase which translates as "Blessed be He" (literally) or "Blessed be His Name" (figuratively.) I am no longer an observant Jew but I was one in my college years (university for Gwen, Andy, and Ianto.) Old habits die hard.


End file.
